Sins cannot be forgiven
by SapphireMateria
Summary: Angst. Slash. And MORE. Vincent wallowing over his guilt and out comes Sephiroth. WHAT WILL HAPPEN? Will he be rejeced? dejected? Read... and Find OUT!


**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII… as well as the lyrics Helena, sung by My chemical Romance. What I own, is the PLOT!!!! Only the plot. (Sad no?)**

_**Please be easy on me. This is my first song fic. So please bear my mistakes. Forgive and forget but don't forget to review! **_

_**Warnings: Slash, Yaoi, male/male, gay, homosexual, grammar mistakes, Abnormal angst, yadi yadi yadda. You get what I mean. Flamers, you will be laughed at and your flames will be thrown into a bottomless pit. Thank you.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**SapphireMateria**_

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* * *

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_Just like the hearse, you die to get in again _

_We are so far from you_

* * *

I awoke, breathing in the stale air that fills my lungs, staring into oblivion as I recall my sins, my damnation, my loathing, my love. As I slipped into nothingness once again. My soul screaming for help, my mind pleading for punishment._

* * *

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_The lives of everyone you know _

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Sky Blue Mako fused eyes stared at me as I awake, feeling the burden of reality. I want to escape this. But I can't; so I join them. A quest to destroy Jenova. A quest, to quench my sinful self. A quest, to bear the shame that I carry. A quest, to find an answer to a question that has no answer.

During my quest, I stood beside great heroes, saviors, call them what you want. I do not care. I stand tall amongst others who picture me as beautiful; ebony locks falls down past my shoulders. A frame, that could almost be feminine. A face, that was so beautiful, so feminine. Yet held what contrast that could be clearly defined as male. Thin red lips, parted like soft rose petals. Eyes, red as blood, only fuel the lust of many whom I reject.

But in my eyes, my ebony locks, a reminder of my sin. A sin that cannot be forgiven. I couldn't save the one person I have ever loved. A frame, so feminine, a body, yet meld together with a mind that's so frail. A face, so beautiful yet sorrowful. Thin red lips, parts like soft rose petals; it has thorns, that hold poison, that kills when you touch it. Red eyes, unholy demon cries, that echoes in my head. Chaos that rule my mind. Unholy demon, sinful, ugly and remorse. Is what they should describe me.

I finished my task. My friends, allies to be exact. Returns to their life. A woman, who cares enough to call once in awhile, to check on me. But I refuse the privilege of friends. I do not deserve it. A blond with sky blue eyes, who shares the same fate as me, but slowly with time, he left.

Leaving me alone.

In this bottomless pit.

I have nowhere.

I have nothing.

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* * *

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_From every heart you break (heart you break) _

_And like a blade you stain (blade you stain)_

_Well, I've been holding on tonight_

* * *

I sit here, in Shinra mansion. I brood all day. Sitting in a chair. A chair that once held many fond memories of me and Lucrecia. She would sit here, and read those files. And I would stand by her, guard her, and love her. But I failed. Failed to confess my love. Failed to protect her. Failed to even look into her eyes when she told me she was pregnant with Hojo's son. Failed to save her son when Hojo modified him, whereas I couldn't save her when he murdered her for experimentation. I am a failure. I am trash.

So I decide, to remain in my cage that is my mind. When she died, she took my heart with her. She broke my heart, when I discovered she was pregnant. She had whispered sweet nothingness into my ear. A fool I am. To fall so madly in love with her. Yet she tainted me as she let Hojo distort me.

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_Things are better if I stay _

_So long and goodnight _

_So long and goodnight _

* * *

I am not human. I am a demon. I am the grim. Yet, I can't die. I tried to suicide. But no matter how hard I try, I can't end it. It is my duty, my fate, to stay and watch as each comrade forgets. Those whom I work with; their memories fading. One by one, they forget me. Tifa, Yuffie, Cid, Cloud, everyone.

I have no one.

I am no one.

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_When every star falls_

_Brought you to tears again _

_We are the very hurt you sold _

_And what's the worst you take (worst you take)_

_From every heart you break (heart you break)_

_And like a blade you stain (blade you stain)_

_Well, I've been holding on tonight_

* * *

I move stealthily down the corridor, that leads down to the basement. Where I sleep my sins away. Where the nightmare take me. Where darkness sweeps over my spirit. Where my soul, my ugliness, lies bare, for anyone, for everyone, to see.

Reaching the coffin, I stand; No fear. No emotion. All I could feel was over whelming sadness, self pity, and remorse towards myself.

All of a sudden, leather hands pulled me behind and I slammed against a cool and muscular body. Self instinct came. But I viciously squashed it. I am thrash. I belong to a woman who threw mw away as I have served my uses. Yet I belong to everyone. So I let the person spin me around to face him.

A Pale and defined face greeted me. His cat slit emerald eyes swept over me. An unwanted shiver rippled through my spine. He smirked. And caressed my face. "_So beautiful. So sinful_." He whispers. Then he violently ripped the clothes off my body. Feather kisses were spread everywhere.

He sheathes himself in my body with one swift thrust. I was overwhelmed with pain, shame and self hate. I tainted her memory. When her son takes me. When he caresses my face and whispers that he loves me.

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* * *

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_Things are better if I stay _

_So long and goodnight _

_So long and goodnight _

* * *

But when he finishes, he stares down at me. My scars, that runs across every vein in my body. He grimaces. A small hope of earning forgiveness, even a little bit; was shattered away. As he pulls put and dresses himself then, he walks away.

I know, who would love me? Who would like me? A man, no. A demon, a monster. Who only knows love once in his life. The same man, who cries. The same person, who fall because of love. The same fool, who turned into a monster.

I gathered my tattered clothes and wore them back.

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* * *

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_Are you near me_

_Can we pretend to leave and then_

_We'll meet again, when both our cars collide_

* * *

I scream. I can't help it. As the demon in me scrapes my mind and guts out. To free itself. To rule me. And sneer at my pathetic self. To mock me, for being weak. The torture me, because I couldn't bring myself to throw my body into the life stream.

I know he is not coming back. No one can hear me, as I scream my lungs out. As I scream my heart out. He pretends to love me. He pretends to be the savior that will free myself from the throes of my own mind. But I remember. He is but a fragment. A ghost. A spirit. He was the one Jenova possessed. The one whom Cloud killed. The one whom I help kill.

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* * *

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_Things are better if I stay _

_So long and goodnight _

_So long and goodnight_

* * *

I pushed myself up from the floor. Using the last of my energy, I slammed myself in my coffin and pulled the lid to close it. The automatic lab still works. Sleeping Materia injected itself into my system. And I lose conscious._

* * *

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_Things are better if I stay _

_So long and goodnight _

_So long and goodnight_

For the last time.

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A/N: WHEW! That was done. I was just sitting down on my desk when I suddenly had the urge to write something angst. I apologize because I don't think this is angsty enough. Some of the fics I've read made me cry buckets! I'm also sorry for any grammar mistakes as I did not pass this to my Beta CornCob. I was in a hurry to post this story so… review if you want to.!(I would really appreciate it because I can take this opportunity to improve.) Like I said, If you wish to flame, Go ahead. I'll just ignore it. If you don't understand something, just feel free to ask! .! 


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